The Worst
by Felinis
Summary: Anyone who says you start off as an expert is a liar. In which Yuri and Flynn fail epically at sex.


**Felinis: you know how in fanfic no matter of even if the person was under the assumption they were straight or ace five minutes ago they're totally experts at doing it after 30 seconds of foreplay. Or how virgins are masters at sex. I always thought that was really stupid. Especially if you live in a world were you don't have access to the internet and don't even have a reference for what gay sex should look like. So here's a fic on that**

How the ever-loving fuck is anyone good at sex? This isn't a joke! This is a genuine question that sometimes late at night whispers its way into Yuri's teenage years and says 'years of practice'. He groaned and turned in his room and tried to pretend that last night did not happen. Nothing had prepared him for the hell that was losing your virginity... sort of. It's a kind of a work in progress.

"Shouldn't gay sex be easier than all that straight bullshit!" He screamed into his pillow before hurling it at a wall. This whole thing had started because Flynn made a joke about sucking his dick which had led to taking it a step further... It's not like he wasn't interested. Yuri was, in fact, a teenage boy with hormones and everything! It should have been easy! It was a blowjob and you heard about them all the time in either dirty jokes or in sexcapades that people bragged on in the Lower Quarter. It should be easy!

That was the idea at least. Then the dirty innuendos and everything escalated to them talking about just having a day and going to town which was awesome and now the worst day of his life. Yuri should have known the plan was going to shit the moment Flynn said: "I'm not sucking your dick unless it's clean."

Yuri had no problem with that. He even understood where Flynn was coming from with wanting not suck a dirty cock. The whole idea just felt outright gross and unsanitary. The problem came when they sat on the bed and realized neither one of them knew how any of this worked. Oh sure, you hear about it and get the gist.

Put the cock in the mouth suck on it and do some shit and then you get licking or whatever. But, as Flynn stared bashfully down at Yuri's crotch any bravado they'd been putting on turned to ash in the wind. "You like peed and stuff first, right?"

Yuri blinked. "Why the fuck would you ask me that? Ew."

"What if you do it by accident?"

"I''m not gonna-"

"How do you know?" Shit, he didn't. Like, it never happened while masturbating but this is different. Kind of...

Yuri shuffled into the bathroom and complied because he was going to do this! He was going to have fun with Flynn. They were gonna do all the cool shit that adults do and brag about how awesome it was. They just had to get started and then it would be smooth sailing.

Right?

They tried again and as Flynn knelt down Yuri felt his cheeks burn. Okay, this was it. Here they go. Flynn gave a small lick and if Yuri's honest his first thought was not 'wow that feels nice' it was more like 'that sorta tickled'. Yuri also tried to hide the fact that he was too nervous to get a hard on... Flynn hesitantly put the very edge of his tip and it was pleasant, but it was also weird because he could feel the edge of Flynn's teeth. They sort of scraped in an uncomfortable way as Flynn pushed further along. It wasn't bad it was just kind of- wasn't this supposed to be hot? He's still struggling to get hard!

Why is he struggling? Is he too nervous to actually get horny? This can't be happening! He is not getting stage fright...

 _Pop_

Flynn pulled away suddenly and wiped his mouth grimacing. "I can't do this! It feels weird!" Oh, thank god! "And it smells..." But, he washed it and everything! "You do it!"  
Yuri blinked. "What?"

Flynn bit his lips as he slowly yet somehow confidently said. "Suck my dick..." This should have been the part where Yuri admitted he was even more nervous about actually attempting to... to suck a dick. Oh, god even thinking it was weird!

"Did you... wash?" Flynn nods scratching at his ear. "Okay." Yuri put on a brave face as he looked at Flynn's penis and tried to think on what the fuck he was supposed to do. Flynn is a big guy, and Yuri teases him about it all the time, but looking at it now and realizing he's gonna try to put that in his mouth is intimidating. How is he gonna do this!

Don't be a chicken shit!

Yuri went for it and regretted it because somehow, he forgot gag reflexes were a thing that existed. He pulled back and gasped instantly and let out a chuckle. "Just... uh... testing..." He went down again and took another aim going slower. Flynn was right, the texture was odd... Not unpleasant, but soft and it made him think of licking an arm. Everything seemed to be going fine.

Yuri wasn't exactly getting off himself on the whole thing, but Flynn seemed to be enjoying it...

That is when Flynn thrust into his mouth unconsciously and Yuri panicked by almost chomping on Flynn's penis. He coughed and pulled out entirely trying so hard to pretend that had not been a disaster. Before Yuri could try again Flynn held up a hand while the other one guarded over his groin.

"Let's not."

"Oh shit! I didn't-" Yuri leaned in to try to see if he'd actually done anything, but Flynn pushed him off.

"It's fine!" Flynn shouted and they looked away. "It just... no teeth!"

Yuri nodded. "Yeah. Okay." They sort of just sat there awkwardly holding hands. "Um, what if we tried something else."

"Like what?" Flynn raised a brow and how the fuck was Yuri supposed to know. He didn't know what he was doing any more than Flynn! This was nothing like the sex ed that one of the ladies who worked the street told them. That was all about how they should be a gentleman in bed and that it was harder for girls to climax so they should focus on their female partner before themselves.

Plus, to wear condoms and bring plenty of lube.

He'd gotten a decent description on what not to do with girls but because neither one of them felt like saying it had neglected to mention their particular tastes. At least he knew where and what the clitoris was! Like any of that was helping! What was there to do? He had lube, but the only place that could go was... He had been informed about anal... "Um, I could... we could..."

"Anal?"

"Yeah." They should have just called it quits there, but again pride got in the way. "Can I top?"

"Sure..." Flynn hesitated as he looked at Yuri and then at himself. "Isn't there supposed to be kissing first?" Another thing people forget to mention.

How to do foreplay and what constitutes it!

Kissing was easy. Kissing was something they already knew. Yuri could easily do that while holding onto Flynn, but as for the other stuff, he was a bit of a dead fish. What did you do with your arms, for example? Flynn had his thing of grabbing at his hair, but Yuri was left just with his hands on Flynn's back. He feels like he should do more, but he's not really sure what.

All those people who say 'you just get it' are fucking liars because Yuri has fuck little idea what he's doing.

Flynn's not much better because he also doesn't know what to do. He tried once to give Yuri a hickey but had freaked out when he actually started going at it because he'd drawn blood by mistake. Again, awkward. So much awkwardness that neither knew how to deal with.

When they finally were both worked up and near a state where it seemed okay to move on a new problem arises. How much lube is enough? Would they need more than one bottle? How much was this going to hurt? Would it even feel good? Yuri slathered a finger and tried to hide the fact that he thought this was a little gross. He was literally sticking his index up his boyfriend's asshole.

"You okay?"

"It's weird." Yuri looked for a sign to stop but kept going despite the look on Flynn's face. "I'm fine," Yuri adds another hesitantly and Flynn squeaks and Yuri figures a third is fine when Flynn protests. "Your fingernails hurt."

"Sorry. Are you sure you're okay?"

Flynn huffs. "I think I can handle this." Yuri continues but the tension in Flynn makes it worse and Yuri is still not sure if he's actually doing his job right. Yuri could fit three fingers and that seemed close enough. Was it? He pulled out and Flynn gasped.

"What is it? That hurt?"

"No, more like I took a crap. This is... this just... Can I top?" If Flynn wasn't interested Yuri was doubly less so. He had no interest in taking a dick in the ass.  
"Handjobs!" Yuri yelled.

"huh?"

"Let's just forget this and end on something simple." They couldn't fuck up a handjob. It was the simplest thing they could do.

"Okay, but..." He looked at Yuri's hand that had previously been at Flynn's entrance. "Can you wash your hands." Yuri agreed and tried not to think fo how much of a disaster this was. How was he failing this badly! He needed advice, but it's not like he knew anyone to turn to. It's a handjob. Basically masturbation.

There is no way he can mess up on something he actually knows how to do!

They sit facing each other and Yuri decides to straddle Flynn in his lap should make things fun. "Hey, sexy." Flynn snorts and kisses him. So far so good.

It works! It really does! Flynn's hand taking a hold of his cock and stroking it while Yuri takes in Flynn's and draws delicate lines with the tips of his fingers. It's going well until Flynn gives Yuri a hard squeeze that makes him scream.

"What the fuck? Flynn, are you trying to yank my dick off?" He pushes Flynn's chest and doesn't care that he falls forward on the bed with him.  
"I'm just doing what I'd do!" Flynn yells.

"No wonder it's so big! You fucking stretched it!" Yuri yanks on Flynn's dick probably harder than he should, but he doesn't give a shit. Flynn moans and okay it's hot, but then Flynn grabs his dick and actually squeezes it like a balloon. Yuri's eyes water. "Flynn..." The guy doesn't seem to catch the pain for the longest time. In reality, Yuri is certain that time is at most ten seconds.

Yuri pulls away entirely. That's it! None of this is working! He's not even that into even trying anymore. This is just awkward! Just no!

"I quit!" He grabbed a pile of clothes and stormed out and choosing to sleep outside rather than risk being near Flynn.

The next morning is awful and they both sit at breakfast in the Comet knowing that they can't talk about what they did in public nor do they want to acknowledge how awful it was. There's a silent agreement not to talk about it and not to do anything. They'll act like everything is fine and try again when they feel braver on the matter.


End file.
